thoughts on work & callings...

It's been a really great week at work! For several reasons, some big and others small. I'll share more later in this post...stick with me if it's a little all over the place. I'm going to do my best to express some of my thoughts about work and God's calling on my life of late.

Even before I got pregnant Matt and I spent a lot of time discussing that we felt strongly that I should be home with our children at least as much or more as I work in a week. (All the time if and when that becomes possible...at this point in our lives, I have to work at least part time.) So during my maternity leave I requested a "reduced workload" (from 40 hrs/wk to 19) and it was approved through June 30, 2011. I've been in this sort of "limbo" period career-wise since I graduated with my Master's in Psychology with an emphasis in Marriage & Family Therapy almost two years ago and continuing to work at the Chaffey College LDC has been unappealing, to say the least, at times.

Rewind...

Prior to getting pregnant my plan was to bang out 3,000 intern hours and become a hot-shot licensed MFT in 3 years. Dispite the aforementioned discussions with my husband, I was convinced this was God's "calling" for me and it would not change if I got pregnant. Boy was I wrong. I'm not kidding you, the second I looked at that double line, my career goals shifted entirely in a way I can hardly explain other than, it was God. All I wanted to do was be a mom first and foremost, and do whatever that looked like for me and our family.

Matt and I went away together a couple weeks ago and had a great conversation about "callings." One thing I know without a shadow of a doubt is that God has called me to be a mother right now. And so I'm content with the fact that a part of that calling, and a gift really, has been this job even if I'm not a Therapist or in a Faculty position. It is a blessing because through it I can fulfill a higher calling. The highest calling, right? Being a mom! I think I've grown up in churches where I (this is all on me...not the churches) formulated this picture of a calling as something that comes with lots of bells and whistles...like going to Africa, or working with victims of domestic violence. These types of ministries get talked about a lot from the pulpit, etc. I realized as I was talking with my husband that one of the very reasons I was so career driven in my internship while working in the field of domestic violence is because I was receiving so much praise and affirmation (translation: bells and whistles) in doing that work and it fit what my picture of a calling was. I was "making a difference." All the while, I think I mistook that to mean it was the only way I could fulfill my calling. (Still with me??) Here's the bottom line, I thrive on positive affirmation. As someone who's often comparing myself to others, this is a huge part of my own sin. Because my identity should be found in Christ, and only in Him! I know this, but I so struggle on a daily basis to live it.

Not too long ago I requested an extension to my reduced workload, and I found out on Monday that I'm going to be able to continue working part time in my current position!! I am SO content with the fact that right now, what being a mom looks like for me is to continue working part time at the LDC for at least another year. Not as a therapist...Not in a Faculty position... Even though this means not "using" my Master's degree (although I hate that phrase because my education is a part of who I am and I use it every day...but you know what I mean). So there's still been a part of me that's struggled with comparing myself to where my former classmates are at right now, or coveting a more prestigous position, or even wondering how I can be used by God in this position. But I've made a huge step in coming to a lot of peace about that lately. I get to be home with my girl 2 1/2 days a week, and I couldn't ask for much more! This is my calling right now.

As for the small thing that I'm seriously equally excited about!! After 5 1/2 years at my job.....WE GOT AN EXHAUST FAN IN THE STAFF RESTROOM THIS WEEK. This is epic people! (my husband hates that word, but it is so fitting.) My days of turning on the faucet so as not to be heard are O-V-E-R! :) Also...my office is getting a fresh coat of paint tomorrow! Yay!

Sometimes God's calling in our lives doesn't always look like what we think it should or would like it to look. And, as I so desperately needed to learn you will not know you are in ministry when there are bells and whistles. Instead, you will know it in the still quiet moments when he whispers "I am your God" when you most need to hear it and maybe when he prompts you to be his hands and feet in line at the grocery store or on a play date at the park with your kiddos.