"Not me" Monday

It's been a while and I think it's time for a "Not me" Monday.....which is all about being brutally honest and living to tell about it! See, I'm much better about putting on this "I have it all together" facade...and well, news flash, I DON'T. So I'm going to tell you about all of the things I most certainly did not do this weekend...
After polishing off a bag of peanut M&M's and falling asleep on the couch yesterday afternoon , I did not coyly pursuade my husband to let me keep sleeping by telling him we would work out later.
I was not at all shocked at my husband's assessment of the fact that I probably have a hemorrhoid, which I obviously do not, because after all that is most certainly something only wrinkly old men get. Furthermore, had my husband made such a non-shocking declaration, I would NEVER post about it on my blog. BUT if I really did....have one....which I do not, NOT ME....it would be perfectly normal because 50% of pregnant women get them (just sayin').
I did not get into a silly disagreement with my husband this weekend and let it fester for much of the afternoon and into the early evening without communicating with him.
I did not accidentally dry a super cute maternity dress that my sister sent me and possibly shrink it :(
I did not spill my Sprite all over the floor at Chipotle Saturday night and have to seriously fight the urge to dart out the front door without telling an employee. I never do embarassing things in public.
I did not get a stain on a shirt I wore only once and contemplate returning it. I'm definitely not so frustrated that I'm still contemplating doing so!
Join the fun! Or just shake your head and laugh at me. Or both. I'll live. Happy Monday!